TWO GRUMPY OLD MEN FIGHTING FOR OVAL OFFICE

In 2024 Americans will once again be headed to the polls, to select the next leader from the free world. Right now, the front runners are Joe Biden, who was born in 1942 and Donald Trump, who was born in 1946. And to be very honest, as a Canadian I think many Americans need to stop comparing these men to each other and start asking themselves, is there anyone maybe a little, you know, younger? A little more in touch with what’s actually going on, instead of just the latest talking points. 

Now, let’s be very clear, I’m not talking about the politics of these men, nor the parties they represent. Simply the fact that the world they grew up in, is not the world we live in now. Quick note, people start getting admitted into nursing homes at the age of 65, Joe Biden and Donald Trump will be 82 and 78 years old by November 2024.

I can already hear your arguments, but Joe Biden is the solution to Trump! And Trump is the solution to Joe Biden. My question to you is, really? Take a look at people in your own life that are close to their age, maybe family members, friends or associates. Looking at my own grandparents, it’s a sad truth that they are experiencing cognitive decline. It’s part of life, and something that should be handled with love and affection. Not used and abused.

Since he’s the current President, let’s take a look at Joe Biden. This poor man seems lost most of the time. He is not in control of his life, instead his life is being controlled by handlers. They limit who he talks to, what he says and more. What’s worse, you can tell that they are controlling his medical decisions, there’s times when this man is hopped on something (likely administered by a doctor) to be paraded out there to talk about stuff that there is no way, come hell or high water, that he has any idea what it means. To me, that is elder abuse. Instead, he should be home with his grandchildren, sitting in a rocking chair, sneaking them more candy than their parents allow. 

Or what about Donald Trump? No one can argue that the man seems in full control of his faculties. But, is he? Let’s take a look at the 2016 election compared to now. We won’t go into much detail, but in 2016 he was full of nicknames and quips, so quick to fire back. Now? He’s been using the nickname Desanctimonius or Ron Desantis and it just feels…lazy. But it’s part of a larger trend, where he’s full of vinegar, for a bit, then seems to peter out. Maybe it’s time to retire to your luxury resort and sleep on that bed of cash (you know he’s got at least one bed stuffed full of $100 bills).

But, let’s not forget the larger picture either, it’s not just Trump and Biden that are getting too old. The two oldest members in the Senate are Chuck Grassley and Diane Feinstein, both 89 years old! The house of representatives isn’t much better, with thirteen members over the age of 80! Seriously! And I by no means think that people in their 70’s should be making decisions that can affect the everydays of Americans, no matter what letter they put behind their name.

Think about it, when many of these people were born, in the 40’s and 50’s, the average price of a car, a brand new car, was $850 dollars! That’s what people are paying for their monthly car payment right now! Gas prices were about $0.11 a gallon, compared to upwards of $5.00 depending on where you live today. Many of these people were around, and might even remember, when their family got their first colour Television! This explains why they are always so confused when someone from Facebook or Twitter or whatnot is testifying in front of them, they probably have their passwords written down and saved in one of those fake soup cans you hide valuables in.

Look, I’m not trying to be mean, and I’m not going to try to convince anyone to vote for a particular set of beliefs or not. But at the end of the day, don’t Americans deserve better? When their country was founded, being a politician was not your job. It was a calling, and it was something that you did part time. And yes, I know that the world is different now, and being a career politician is how the world works. But at the same time, isn’t it time for some of these careers to come to an end? You had a good run, but it’s time to be put out to pasture. 

One more point, before I wrap this up. The average age of a CEO in the United States is 54.1 years, according to the first result of my google search. Think about your favourite brand of soda, clothing, car, whatever. If they were being run by someone as old as some of our politicians, do you think that brand would still exist? Would the person who ran pepsi in the seventies be able to run pepsi today? No, they wouldn’t.

So in closing, I vote that we all go back to our relevant parties, and we reject these geezers who have had a stranglehold on politics. Tell them we want someone who isn’t going to get lost on their way to the bathroom and doesn’t need to call Apple Support to figure out how to facetime. We need someone with fresh ideas of how to lead our great neighbour in the free and democratic direction!