Pierre Poilievre Declares: Canada Will Never Be the 51st State, Even If We Keep Making It So Tempting for Trump

In a bold show of defiance against the comedic threat that Canada might one day become the 51st state of the United States, Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre has stated, “It will never happen. We have the strength, we have the smarts… and, frankly, it would be too embarrassing for both sides at this point.” Poilievre’s comments came in response to a now-familiar jest from U.S. President-elect Donald Trump, who has been repeatedly suggesting that Canada should just throw in the towel and join the U.S. already. After all, as Trump’s antics have shown, the best way to deal with a neighbor is to keep trolling them until they reconsider their entire existence. But Poilievre’s stiff-necked response doesn’t quite cover up the fact that Canada’s standing on the world stage has taken a tumble in recent years, and, to be fair, Trump may have a point. After all, when your economy is shrinking faster than the snow in an Ottawa winter, you start wondering if your best option is just to send over your maple syrup, declare a “buy one get one free” offer on citizenship, and hope for the best.

Canada: We’re Poorer Than a $5 Bill in a Tim Hortons Parking Lot

While Poilievre insists that “Canada will never be the 51st state,” Canadians may start wondering if that’s actually a good thing. Sure, it’s nice to have your own flag, but when your GDP per capita has dropped faster than a Trudeau selfie at a Liberal fundraiser, one might consider that a new citizenship might come with a better financial package. A recent report revealed that, between 2014 and 2022, Canada’s economic growth has been, let’s say, “uninspiring.” In fact, we’re now the third poorest country among the 30 OECD nations, and our GDP per capita is now a mere 72.3% of the United States’ GDP per capita—down from 80.2% in 2012. That’s a difference of $6,200 per person per year, which is probably enough to buy yourself a decent bottle of Canadian whiskey, if you’re lucky.

But let’s not be too hard on Canada. After all, we have maple syrup, hockey, and Justin Trudeau’s hair. What more do you need when you’re being outpaced by economic powerhouses like, well, everyone else?

 The Real Problem: No One Cares Until Trump Yells at Us

Canada’s slow economic decline wasn’t caused by Donald Trump, but boy, does he seem to have a sixth sense for pointing out when a country is weak. With each taunt and snide remark about tariffs and statehood, Trump smells vulnerability like a dog smells a steak on a grill. If it wasn’t clear before, Trump now knows exactly where to poke the soft spots—and it’s working. In fact, Canada’s current economic woes are the result of a combination of government overspending, a bloated bureaucracy, and the distinct failure to meet our military commitments, while also trying to look like we care about global security. This has turned us into the international equivalent of that one guy who always shows up to the party but doesn’t bring any snacks or help clean up. Perhaps, just perhaps, if we had spent the last few years working on productivity and business investment instead of figuring out how to improve our multiculturalism score on the international index, we might be in a better position. But that would require, well, effort—and we’re too busy trying to figure out if it’s acceptable to put ketchup on poutine.

A Sad, Faint Silver Lining: Maybe Trump’s Right

Sure, Canada’s situation isn’t great. We’ve let our economic engine rust while focusing on endless internal squabbles. We’re not exactly setting the world on fire with innovation, nor are we impressing anyone with our “eh”-heavy foreign policy. But there is one upside: maybe, just maybe, Trump’s repeated suggestions that we join the U.S. could be the kick in the pants Canada needs to finally address its long-running issues. What if, instead of laughing it off, we took Trump’s jabs seriously and decided to start being as competitive as, say, Switzerland or Norway? After all, those countries are small, but their economies are robust. Why? Because they know how to run a country. Meanwhile, Canada is still deciding whether it’s appropriate to send free healthcare to the North Pole.

Conclusion: The 51st State? Eh, Maybe Not. But Seriously, Let’s Do Better

At the end of the day, Pierre Poilievre’s defiant declaration that Canada will never become the 51st state of the U.S. might be just the bravado we need to rally the nation together because let’s face it, if we keep playing our cards the way we have been, Trump will only have to send us an official invitation, and we might just RSVP yes. But before we start debating our future under the stars and stripes, it’s probably time to focus on something a little more practical. Like, I don’t know, improving our productivity, investing in our industries, and actually keeping promises are the things that make a country strong, wealthy, and attractive to others. Otherwise, we’ll just keep hearing about how Canada could be better off as the 51st state and who knows, maybe one day, we’ll start wondering if he was right all along.

For now, though, Poilievre can rest easy. As long as he keeps looking at the numbers, there’s no need to worry about Trump taking over Canada just yet. But unless things change, we may just find ourselves sending a “best offer” to Washington in a few years anyway.