The Ultimate Political Comedy : Ranil and Sirisena, get cozy at Amari Hotel

In what can only be described as a political comedy thriller that even Hollywood would struggle to script, two former Presidents Ranil Wickremesinghe and Maithripala Sirisena allegedly convened a high-profile secret meeting at the luxurious Amari Hotel. The mission? To mastermind the ultimate takedown of President Anura Kumara Dissanayake’s National People’s Power (NPP) government.

The Hotel Conspiracy: Who Was at the Table?

Sources close to the waiter who served the group’s unlimited coffee refills claim that among the distinguished side actors were Anura Piyadarshanayappa, Susil Premajayantha, Mahinda Amaraweera, Nimal Siripala de Silva, Udaya Gammanpila, Nimal Lansa, Rajitha Senaratne, Andrewan Vijayawardhana, and the ever-present Sagala Ratnayaka.

Yes, folks, it’s like the “Avengers” of Sri Lankan politics. if the Avengers were all former and current political failures with slightly dubious intentions and an unshakeable belief that the public actually cares.

While the official agenda of the two-hour meeting was not publicly disclosed, leaked information suggests that the primary focus was Operation “NPP Takedown” a well-coordinated effort to weaken the government, divide its parliamentary strength, and orchestrate a wave of public unrest. The twist? No one at the table appeared to have a plan that didn’t involve a full-blown conspiracy and the occasional cup of overpriced coffee.

Divide and Conquer: The Grand Scheme

As with any high-stakes political scheme, the plan was as complicated as it was absurd:

1. Find the Weak Link – Identify susceptible NPP parliamentarians and persuade them to publicly criticize President Anura, creating the illusion of internal discord. Because nothing screams “revolution” like getting politicians to pretend they’re having an argument for attention. If anything, this is just an elaborate game of “Who Wants to Be the Next Minister?”  but with slightly fewer job perks and no actual dignity.
2. Manufacture a Crisis – Encourage strikes, particularly within the teachers’ union and port workers, to destabilize the government and fuel anti-NPP sentiment. What could go wrong? After all, nothing says “we have a plan” like causing nationwide inconvenience for the people who don’t actually have a say in your little political charade. The teachers are on strike? Great, just make sure they’re all holding protest signs made from recycled government policies!
3. Micro-Protests to Mega-Protest – Start with scattered minor demonstrations across the island, which will magically transform into a massive, united anti-government uprising. The catch? It’s unclear where the actual “united” part is coming from. Because, as history has shown, a group of 12 people with a common grievance and a handful of expired snacks always turns into a full-blown national movement. Obviously.
4. Diplomatic Whispers – Engage with Colombo-based diplomatic missions, subtly influencing foreign envoys to believe the NPP government is crumbling under its own weight. Yes, because diplomats are notorious for their ability to distinguish between a country in turmoil and a country simply going through a “phase.” But hey, who doesn’t love a little international gossip mixed in with their morning coffee?

Ranil’s Masterstroke: The Parliamentary Comeback

And here comes the masterstroke. The ultimate revelation from the meeting? Ranil’s desperate plan to return to Parliament by removing UNP MP Ravi Karunanayake and appointing himself in his place. If this sounds like a poorly executed game of musical chairs, that’s because it is.

Naturally, Ravi Karunanayake was not impressed by Ranil’s master plan. Furious at the prospect of being ousted, Ravi and his supporters stormed UNP headquarters in Sirikotha, demanding Ranil’s resignation.

Eyewitnesses report that the Sirikotha entrance was temporarily blocked by a group of passionate Ravi loyalists, some of whom were seen waving placards reading “Ravi for PM!” and “Ranil: The Expired Leader!” This all occurred while Ranil, avoiding any direct confrontation, reportedly sneaked out through the backdoor, mumbling something about “political ingratitude.”

Sirisena’s Sudden Awakening

Adding more spice to this already chaotic political plot, former President Maithripala Sirisena who once ran a government with Ranil but later spent years criticizing him, now appears to be his new partner in mischief. Sources say Sirisena, who has been politically wandering in the wilderness, sees this as his last chance to be relevant.

During the Amari Hotel meeting, Sirisena allegedly suggested that they use his old trick breaking parties apart from within, a method he successfully employed against the Rajapaksas in 2015. The only issue? The NPP’s brand is as tight-knit as a yoga retreat on a mountain top. Dividing them will take more than a few empty promises and some quiet whispers in dark corridors.

Mahinda’s Absence: A Tactical Move or an Early Retirement?

One name conspicuously missing from the guest list was another former President Mahinda Rajapaksa. While some sources suggest that he preferred to watch the drama unfold from the sidelines, others claim he’s simply tired of attempting to overthrow governments and is now more focused on his elder son’s next “ELLE” match.

In fact, sources close to Mahinda suggest he’s considering retirement entirely and pack things to “Madamulana” the political equivalent of quietly sipping King coconut water under the front porch and sigh at the mess that is his only hope of the family doing in  Sri Lankan politics.

Will This Plan Work?

The big question remains can this unlikely coalition of political veterans, many of whom were previously at each other’s throats, actually pull off a successful takedown of the NPP government? Given the past failures of similar plots and the public’s growing disillusionment with career politicians, the odds seem stacked against them.

But hey, we’ve all seen stranger things happen in Sri Lankan politics. Will this conspiracy succeed, or will it crumble under its own weight like so many before it?

For now, the people of Sri Lanka can only sit back and watch as yet another episode of their never-ending political drama unfolds complete with backdoor meetings, protests, and, of course, an aging politician still clinging to the hope of a parliamentary comeback.